tumblr famous: fuck stop sending me messages
me: omfg 1 message someone actually wants to talk to me
lightbuld: i hate going to school because i always see people from school there
Kid I babysit: There's a monster under my bed!!
Me: That's silly, there's no such thing as mo...
Me: OH GOD IT'S TEARING MY ARM!
Me: Kidding. He only eats kids.
Me: Good night.
Me: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: What for?
Me: TO OPEN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS What do you fucking think for.
tyrannosauruslinnea: hey baby, if it’s not too much treble, i’d really like to ‘B’ with you … naturally.
cubic1es: if mondays were shoes they’d be crocs